Extreme!

Wanna know what it takes to look bad ass?



This guy is extreme. Arnold Schwarzenegger could only dream about breaking a sweat on him. Oh man, it's like the next thing he's about to do is crouch down, look up, burst into the air, fly around and break Superman into two pieces. This guy don't just leap tall buildings, he takes a dump on them and they collapse. I want a red suit for Christmas just like him!

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I'm Back

So I've been at Melbourne for the past few weeks and I'm finally back. YEeEEaahh.

Anyway, Melbourne is made up of 70% indians. When I wasn't stomping faces, eating rocks and shitting gunpowder, I was secretly wishing I could throw meat pies at them while hiding behind the banana trees. I'm not racist or anything, but the indians there were all so smug and shit faced. They lived in nice houses and drove nice cars with curry-scented fresheners. The indian taxi drivers would weave back and forth around the road like they owned it. One of them even stared me in the eyes and made this weird hand gesture saying "I've got her in the palm of my hands". Well screw you.

When I got back to Sydney Airport, Yenmi was waving and screaming and running towards me, but not before I ran her over with a golf buggy. She got back up and tried to hug me, but I reversed over that sucker. No way I'm letting that indian get to me.

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Why You Don't Mess With Girls

They randomly kick you in the face. Even if you're playing soccer by yourself.

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Windows 7 Whopper

Sometimes I sit and wonder to myself, what kind of world I live in. Every time, I feel afraid. Afraid of that crazy place called Japan. Why do I feel afraid?



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Happy Birthday Han & Sammy!

I will share some of my awesomeness with you guys just because I'm awesome.

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Daily Motivation: Future

Live life knowing that somewhere out there, there is someone else, just like Yenmi you.



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Yenwi

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Secret Life

When I'm not outside fighting crime and kicking ass, I'm usually chillin back home, chatting to people on msn while pretending to be a wizard.

So I'm putting on my robe and wizard hat right now, but figured I should write about why I hate going outside so much. When I go anywhere, I spend the majority of my time travelling on the train and it is a foul place to be in.

Just the other day, these two high school girls could not shut the hell up about their sex life, so I got angry and crushed them with my biceps. Then I stole their MyPods and sold it on Feebay.

Then out of nowhere, these four train guards came over and started pushing and shoving and accused me of being abusive to the girls and yada yada. They had it coming. My Awesome kicked in and they instantly imploded into dust.

So I sat back down on the seat hoping to avoid further attention. To my horror, a bunch of Korean girls were giggling and giving me signals. Poor girls didn't even get to wink at me a second time before another muscle flexed and knocked them out of the train.

After that, I felt extremely bored so I got off at Auburn and went to eat some kebabs and subsequently gained +2 Strength and +1 Magic Level.

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Mind Blowing

Want your mind blown?



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All Stations To Central

There I was in the corner of the train, standing just beside the doors, minding my own business, ignoring my daily urges to stomp on people's heads, when suddenly, a dozen fat female Miralukas came busting into the door.

Now... I'm usually pretty cool with fat people, but when their rolls of flabs are spewing out of their clothing and threatening to invade my breathing space, it can get really absolutely annoying.

As soon as they all crammed in, they raised their hands to their noses, waving and fanning the air frantically, looking around disgusted at the six of us around them.

'This stupid train is so crowded!' one of them complained.

'It stinks so much!' another added.

She proceeded to whip out a can of deoderant and sprayed it all around the train.

So picture this:
- I am sandwiched between two fatties.
- They smell like rotten kebabs.
- The only air I had the luxury to breathe was taken away from me by the deoderant.
- One of them farted.
- FML.

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Choosing A Next Gen Console

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Being Trendy

For a few years now, I've always seen people on the trains wearing massive headphones with their 'world's smallest mp3 player' and I always thought they were total fags. Why don't you bring your whole surround sound system with you?

So I finally acquired a pair of massive headphones for myself, to find out once and for all what the craze was all about. As I couldn't lug around my vintage ipod, I had to settle with my awesome purple DS.

The verdict? Besides making me extremely irritated, itchy and hot,.. it felt like my head was a giant block of wood and I looked like someone straight out of Star Wars.

It made me feel so sad that I didn't eat a kebab that day.

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5 Reasons Why UTS Is The Best Uni Ever

Well for those who know me, I've been to pretty much every single university in Sydney. My favourite uni of all time would have to be UTS. Here are the top reasons why this uni rules so much:

5. Conveniently located.
You catch a 40 minute train to Central and walk 5 minutes to UTS. That's it, no strings attached. Not only that, it is in the heart of the city, within an arms reach of Market City and Easy Way.

4. Ease of computer access.
UTS sure lives up to its name, with practically a computer every where on campus, wherever you can think of. There is no such thing as having trouble finding computer access on the campus. I wouldn't be surprised if I went back to UTS and found a computer hooked up in the toilet cubicles. It's that advanced.

3. Good import:local ratio.
So at UNSW I have trouble walking to where I want to go because international students think they own the place. They walk in packs of 10 in a horizontal line, making sure your path is effectively blocked. UTS suffers from no such problem, as there are over three separate campuses spread out amongst the city, so even if the international students tried to block the path, they'd be run over by a bus.

2. Great selection of subjects.
There were heaps of subjects for me to choose at UTS of which I could enjoy, offered all year round. To give you the picture, my friend at UNSW is stuck doing a course called "Sex Love Attraction". One of his lecture slides had an afrikan dude with a penis so long that he had to tie it in a not. Touche.

1. The number one reason. It looks like domokun.
You know you've hit the Jackpot when your uni looks like one of the most famous characters in Japan.



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Showering: The Story

Today, when I went into the shower, there was a ginormous spider on the wall. It was about the size of my hand. It was huge. It was disgustingly hairy. If there is a god, then this spider is proof that he likes fucking with us. Because I ran out of the bathroom screaming.

As if I would run away. The following accounts are true depictions from various film makers of what really happened.

Michael Bay (Armageddon, Transformers)
I enter the bathroom, unaware of the presence of the huge spider on the wall. Seemingly out of nowhere, the spider leaps at me and a battle begins. The walls collapse, the mirrors shattered and the tiles scattered all over the place. Debris is sent flying in all directions and the bathroom is entirely destroyed. Megan Fox walks into the bathroom, flashes her ass, and walks out. Both the spider and I come to an agreement that we would fight another time, because Megan Fox ruined our epic battle.

Quentin Tarantino (Kill Bill, Inglorious Bastards)
I enter the bathroom in full gear, a pistol in one hand and a sword in the other. I scream and charge at the spider on the wall. The spider leaps at me, doing various kung fu moves before it beats the crap out of me. My blood squirts all over the bathroom. Just as the spider is about to break me in half with its claws, I behead it with my sword.

Zack Snyder (300, Watchmen)
I enter the bathroom looking all badass in all my 1000fps glory. The bathroom is extremely dark even for the day time, but I fear nothing. The spider leaps at me, but gets destroyed when it crashes on my steroid-induced abs. I stand and laugh, but I die anyway.

Wachowski Brothers (The Matrix Trilogy)
I enter the bathroom, searching for answers. My bathroom looks vile, tattered with splotches of green and a half ripped poster of a person by the name of Yenmi. What kind of name is that anyway? Suddenly, a spider leaps at me and I fall to the ground. The spider leaps back up and shoots streams of webs at me, as I backflip a meter back and start dodging it in slow motion. You get a good 360 degree view of me here, before I go back into normal speed and kick the spiders ass. Then, everything stops. There is no spider.

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50 Facts About Myself

Wow, this 50 facts about yourself business has been going around lately, and every blog seems to be doing it. Apparently you're supposed to list 50 things that people don't know about you, and the readers are supposed to scream out loud and punch themselves in the faces because the facts are so interestingly awesome. Well, here goes:

50. I'm not going to do it.

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A Little Bit Of Fluff

Well today I was sitting on the bus, and standing just a little bit in front of me was this indian guy. Just an average indian dude. Except one thing. He had this massive cloud of chest hair pouring out of the front of his shirt. It was kind of terrifying because it was literally crawling out of his shirt.

To put it simply, you would not want to get into a fight with this dude. It was like he had an extra pair of arms. Everytime he laughed or moved, I swear his friend was dodging left and right just to avoid getting a sucker punch to the nuts.

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Governments Of The World

Look what I found!

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

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Abusing Power

So all these super heroes always get told this: With great powers, comes great responsibility (cue Spiderman). Gee, who in their right mind would be responsible if they had super powers? Don't ever listen to stuff they say in the movies. They could've made Spiderman 3 so much better if he was more badass when he was evil.

Anyway, didn't you ever wonder why you don't see people with super powers in 'real life'?

Well let me tell you why... instead of wasting their time flying around saving n00bs like Yenmi from a burning pool of water, they use their super powers to steal monies from banks and destroy small countries. You know, doing something productive.

Now that we've established my position, you'd be glad to know I have super powers. The power of Awesome. Just today, I stood in front of Yenmi, gave her a stern look, and she imploded. She didn't even have time to confess her love.

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Evolution of Cola

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An Average Day At Uni

- Catch train to Central, no seats. Asian ladies bump into me the entire way.

- Catch bus to Uni, no seats. Bus driver is a retard, feels like stepping on the brakes every 10 seconds. Almost vomit my dinner out. Thanked him when I got off.

- Wiff of horse shit from Randwick Racecourse turns my stomach, adds to nausea. My awesomeness keeps the vomit down.

- Maths tutorial. Gay asian dude pretends to have trouble finding seat despite having another 10 empty rows. Proceeds to sit down next to me. Starts giggling and touching my arm asking if I've done the homework.

- Having a break.

- Lost property sale at the bar. Frequent lost items include business suits, jewellery, calculators, usb drives and sunnies. There were roughly 50 new model casio calculators there. The international students probably thought they were one use items.

- InfoSys labs. Searching the net for a new laptop and acting awesome. Nobody suspected a thing. Win.

- Having a break.

- Played Street Fighter at arcade. Friend probably haxxed.

- InfoSys lecture. Two of my five team members showed up. Lecturer had no idea what she was talking about. Took a power nap.

- Got into elevator. Idiot team member commented that the lift was full, imagine if the cable snaps.

- Loud clunk. Elevator stops. Doors won't open. Pressed help, got cut off after 10 seconds.

- Girl screams out that its all the fat people's fault.

- Noticed door is slightly opened. Pulled it apart. Another set of green metal doors. People start trying to pull open metal doors. People outside heard us, and helped try pull open doors.

- Doors open. We climb out of the elevator.

- Friend and I catch the bus back to Central, no seats. Bus driver is a retard, emergency brakes and my friend almost flies out of the bus. Thanked him and got off.

- Ran to catch train back home. Almost missed it. No seats. Asian girls fall over me.

- Got home. Ate dinner. Complained to everyone.

- Posted on my blog about my average day at uni.

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